Why Compatibility Isn’t All the time A Good Factor, From A Therapist

First, let’s truly outline what we imply once we speak about compatibility: “Compatibility is a pure, easy approach of relating to a different particular person and feeling a connection,” licensed {couples}’ therapist Racine Henry, Ph.D., LMFT, not too long ago advised mbg. It isn’t essential to be comparable to be appropriate, she notes, and in reality compatibility usually stems from two folks having a mechanism for coping with battle within the areas during which they differ.

“Compatibility in a relationship stems from there being a complementary relationship,” she explains—however that is additionally the place issues get tough.

In response to Henry, simply because two persons are appropriate or have traits that complement one another “doesn’t all the time imply it’s a wholesome or optimistic complementarity.” Generally two folks complement one another in ways in which might not be in a single or each folks’s finest pursuits.

For instance, she says, “There could also be somebody domineering who finds a accomplice that’s passive.” It will most likely assist the 2 of them transfer by means of conflicts—the domineering particular person will merely stroll over the passive particular person, who in flip will acquiesce and go together with their accomplice’s choices. This implies the connection would possibly be capable of final—but it surely doesn’t essentially imply it ought to.

There are various examples of unhealthy compatibility: Narcissists usually hunt down echoists, their self-effacing opposites, who they’ll extra simply reap the benefits of. An individual who doesn’t give loads in relationships would possibly do nice with somebody who doesn’t ask for lots, masking the previous’s selfishness and the latter’s abandonment points.